Chanel, facials and boredom: The life of a 'stay-at-home girlfriend' draws scrutiny

Some young American women are slowing in their professional goals and opting to be stay-at-home girlfriends (SAHGs), where they give up earning a living and opt for what they depict as a life of card swiping for Chanel, Cartier and Christian Louboutin, according to a viral trend on social media platforms. 

Viral videos of SAHGs showcasing themselves living luxurious lives – taking Pilates in the middle of their mornings, getting massages, beauty treatments and going on seemingly endless shopping sprees have become a point of fascination for women on platforms such as TikTok and Instagram. 

For a man, it appears maintaining the life of a stay-at-home girlfriend can be pricey. For example, "Funmi," a Fashionnova ambassador, reported spending $14,170 in one day, including $1,000 on perfumes from Maison Francis Kurkdjian (MFK). 

"[This is] how much I spend in a day as a stay-at-home girlfriend," Funmi said. 

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She went on to show her $12,000 shopping spree at luxury stores such as Fendi, MFK, Burberry, and Versace. Funmi got a hot stone massage for $150, had dinner at the cost of $500 and spent another $500 for her manicure and pedicure. 

"I needed like an everyday sneaker, everyday sunglasses, everyday strap bag," she said about her 3-item shopping haul which cost $6,000 at Fendi. 

"Being a stay-at-home girlfriend is all about supporting your boyfriend with tasks like cooking and housework, plus a rigorous self-care regimen to keep up appearances," The Wall Street Journal reported on the trend. 

But other SAHGs explain the role is much more work-intensive and less glamorous than is being presented on the platform. 

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SAHG Aliya Jasmine Wan, who has 144K followers on TikTok, regularly showcases her shopping splurges from Chanel, Hermès and other high-end fashion houses. She explained that she is "bored a lot" as a stay-at-home girlfriend. 

"Here is the unglamorous reality of a stay-at-home girlfriend. The truth is I'm bored a lot. I don't get massages or facials every day," Wan said. 

She said that she has 23 hours of the day when she doesn't have much to do. 

"Most days I'm organizing the house or looking for things to furnish the house with. I don't enjoy cooking for myself, so I order in a lot. Also, the amount of time I cut my cuticles is a joke. And the highlight of my day – using the Jacuzzi for 10 minutes." 

Hannah Lussenden, an influencer with 70K followers, calls herself a "veteran" SAHG, adding that she is pregnant and soon getting married. She said being a stay-at-home girlfriend was an important step for her to "take time away from the rat race and heal trauma." 

"I got the pleasure to stay at home and do whatever I want, which was not just doing nothing," she said. 

Lussenden went on to list how it was a lot of work to take care of a home and to be a support and companion for her partner. 

"I have also been able to heal my mental health. I was diagnosed with [post-traumatic stress disorder], depression, anxiety, and paranoia disorder. I was completely debilitated by these disorders, and it ran every aspect of my life. All of these things compounded in such a way that even if I wanted to work, I couldn't," she said.

A woman commented on the post saying that the concept bothered her. "SAH girlfriend is what irks me… should be SAH wife. No man deserves all of your energy without that commitment."

Lussenden responded, "Men deserve unconditional love as much as women." 

Other women – frustrated with the pressures of working – comment on the posts of SAHGs showcasing their life, "Where can I get this job?"

Alexandria, an influencer with 37K followers, warned girls "Don't be a stay-at-home girlfriend."

"A woman of value does not give wife privileges at girlfriend prices. There is a new trend emerging… where girls live in the lap of luxury without any financial responsibility. As tempting as that may sound, two things are wrong here."

First, Alexandria explained that a woman should not rely completely on a man who is not her husband. And secondly, "no man should have access to you anytime he wants without investment. In this case, investment is not a Chanel bag. It is a commitment – …marriage."

"We are not in high school. I don't play house," she said. "We do not do stay-at-home girlfriends. We are wives." 

One of the most popular SAHGs, Kendel Kay, who has 504K followers on TikTok, showed an inside look in 2022 at the housework she was involved in as a SAHG. 

She said she made dinner for her boyfriend every night and made him coffee in the morning. She also showed herself doing laundry and bringing her boyfriend water.

Kay recently announced in December that she and her boyfriend broke up. 

"Day in my life post-breakup," the post said. It had sad music and showed Kay making a latte, making flower arrangements in her home, and going for a walk. 

A fan commented, "Thanks so much for being real with us." 

"Taking life at my own pace," Kay said.