GREG GUTFELD: Dems can push a vibe all night, but they can't make you forget how traumatizing this is

So, reviews of the debate are pouring in and liberal cat ladies everywhere rejoiced. True, the debate got five stars from the makers of Fancy Feast and two paws up, says Purina. The media, of course, says Kamala won, but why wouldn't they? They're so far up her a-- they can see out of her mouth. It's like parents watching their grown child hit a home run in T-ball. Look, honey, she made contact and didn't crap her pants. This just months after wanting her off the ticket. Those were the days. Remember Joe said he'd be a transitional candidate? He didn't know he'd be transitioning from president to fertilizer. But now they're so grateful. 

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After all, she didn't pull a Biden. With a low bar like that, all she had to do was avoid shouting Allahu Akbar or claim that Maroon Five is an underrated band. Compared to Joe, it's considered a win that she didn't show up in the back of a hearse. Plus, the strategy of baiting Trump with hoaxes paid off. It allowed her to keep from saying anything about her past, present or future. And it ticked Trump off. It helped that she had help, of course. 

There's no way she would have so confidently rattled off those hoaxes if she didn't know that she had cover. It's like the drunk girl at the bar picking fights that she expects her boyfriend to settle. Except here the boyfriend was the moderators. Luckily, this is one relationship where she doesn't have to worry about a pregnant nanny. Now, veteran GOP strategists are saying Harris won. But remember, these are the same geniuses who brought you the charisma black hole of Mitt Romney, who is so boring his dog asked to be tied to the roof. That's an old story. But how about voters? Remember them? 

You know, the people who actually decide the outcome of elections, or at least the ones where Dems aren't counting the votes? Well, CNN, CBS and Fox all spoke to undecided voters post-debate, and we saw a common theme emerge, much like a nude Steve Doocy from my birthday cake. They expressed serious reservations on her economic answers and some found themselves leaning more toward Trump than Harris at the end. 

Voter 1: He spoke fast. She just basically repeated everything that Biden has said in the past.

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Voter 2: She didn't talk about her policy changes from 2020 to 2024. Deflected on immigration and didn't take responsibility or Biden's responsibility for letting people in illegally. 

Voter 3: He was able to go to his track record, and I feel that Kamala just deflected the entire time. 

Voter 4: While there was some focus on policy, I don't think that we really got to the meat of the issues. 

Voter 5: My life was better when Trump was in office, and now with Kamala's administration, things haven't been so fantastic, and she is saying she can fix the problems that her administration has caused. But I just don't know if I can afford to take that risk.

All of that despite this sense that Harris had won among the political and media class. The New York Times even admits as much. And when the Times says "voters weren't so sure," it means we're s------- our pants like Biden after judging a chili cook off. Hell, even Reuters interviewed undecided voters after the debate and out of the ten sampled, six said they were leaning toward Trump, saying Kamala was too vague, a big ball of nothing. 

They're worried about affording gas and groceries, and she said nothing to allay those fears. And you'd think she'd be good at allaying, at least according to Willie Brown. 

The fact is, voters remember she's VP the whole time inflation skyrocketed. They don't like her, and they can't even afford the eggs they want to throw at her. Keep in mind, this data is coming from Reuters, and they lean more to the left than Dana Perino after half a daiquiri. But do you see the common thread? These voters notice something the media wishes they hadn't. Kamala didn't say anything, which was the goal all along. Nobody learned a thing about her except that she's younger than Joe and could stay up past nine at night. The only two qualifications you need to become the nominee.

But that's how the Dems want it and ABC News is more than happy to help. But even the voters who dislike Trump said they trust him more on the economy. So Dems can push a vibe all night, but they can't make you forget how traumatizing a trip to the grocery store is now versus four years ago – and that was before detergent was behind more plexiglass than a prison visitation room. 

People in the media can trick themselves into believing a fantasy. After all, the easiest person to fool is yourself, especially if you're already a fool. But they can't fool you. 

They can't make you pretend your bills aren't going up like Hunter's pulse after an eight-ball. They can't deny your bank account is shrinking faster than Jesse Watters at a nude beach. And they can't make you ignore the fact that the candidate they want you to vote for presided over this mess. Well, maybe undecided voters are smarter than the hacks who keep lying to them. So, who is she? Still remains the question. Too bad all the pundits in the world can't help her answer that.