Secretly pregnant woman asks if she was wrong to attend a party for her sister, who recently miscarried
In an odd family drama, Reddit users rallied around a woman whose early pregnancy was revealed after she refused a drink at a party for her sister, who recently miscarried.
A woman who recently discovered she was pregnant asked others on the social media site Reddit to weigh in if she was wrong to attend a party thrown for her sister, who recently miscarried a child.
"AITA for showing up at my sister's party after her miscarriage despite knowing that I couldn’t drink and people would suspect I was pregnant?" asked Reddit user "One-Theme3933" in a Nov. 9 post in Reddit's "Am I the A--hole" subreddit.
The writer said she's 22 years old and that her older sister, who is 25, experienced a miscarriage just last week.
"I felt especially guilty because I recently found out I was pregnant as well, but had opted to wait to tell anyone," wrote the young woman.
She said she planned on keeping news of her pregnancy quiet, as she "didn't want to take any attention away from [her sister's] grief or cause her any pain."
The plan went awry, however, when her family "arranged a little get-together at her place to help her feel better, where alcohol was to be involved."
As the Reddit writer said she was known for never turning down "the opportunity to drink" — people became suspicious when she eschewed alcohol.
"The night was going fine, and my sister really seemed to be smiling and enjoying herself," wrote the woman. "I was staying away from the beer and vodka, kinda shutting down the strange looks from my family/friends."
Most people believed the white lies the young woman said she told to explain why she wasn't drinking — except for a friend of her sister's.
This friend, named Ash, "came up to me and asked, ‘Are you pregnant or something? Why aren’t you drinking?’" wrote the woman in her post.
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She said she attempted to laugh off the comment, said she was looking out for her health — and tried "to change the subject."
"My sister saw us talking, however," the woman continued in her post, "and came up with a shot in her hand. She basically said that she was really glad I was here and wanted to take a shot with me."
The Reddit poster then said she "had a feeling" that Ash had relayed her suspicions — and was trying to test her to see if she would accept the drink.
"I turned her down and said that I was just happy to be in the moment with her," wrote the Redditor.
The sister then "got this teary look on her face and kinda eyed my stomach," she said.
"She set the drink down and asked me slowly if I was pregnant and trying to hide it."
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The Reddit writer said she "froze" — which more or less confirmed her sister's suspicions.
"She burst into tears and asked again, much louder this time — which caused most of the people in her apartment to look at us. She told me to either drink the shot or tell her the truth. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I opted to just tell her the truth."
"I tried to tell her that I didn’t really want to take any attention away from her pain, but she wasn’t listening," she said, adding that her sister accused her of trying to "boast" about her pregnancy and "how I always got what I wanted."
"She also said that I shouldn’t have come to the party knowing that I couldn’t drink and that I obviously knew that people were going to know I was pregnant," she said.
At that point, the sisters' father stepped in, as the sister had become "belligerent at this point," wrote the Redditor.
The Reddit writer then added, "Me and my boyfriend decided it was better for us to just leave. I even got a few quiet ‘congrats,’ which I felt awful about."
Ever since the party, the sister is not speaking to the Reddit writer.
Her friends and relatives are also agreeing with the older sister's take on the situation, she said.
"People are … leaning in her side, because she's going through a hard time right now, but I feel like I'm not being listened to," wrote the Redditor. "My mom told me she understands, but that it was wrong of me to come knowing I was pregnant."
Fox News Digital reached out to both the Redditor writer and a psychologist for additional comment.
On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
Users can also "upvote" responses they think are helpful and "downvote" ones that are not.
In the more than 2,500 responses to the post, nearly all commenters sided with her — with most offering a degree of empathy for the tough situation she described.
The Reddit user who wrote the top-upvoted reply said this situation was "the hardest NTA I can possibly give."
"If you opted to not go on the basis of ‘I normally drink, people might find out,’ I would have leaned the opposite," wrote this user. "Your sister had a horrible thing happen [and] you should have been there to support [her], regardless [of] whether you were pregnant or not, and you knew that."
The friend Ash, on the other hand, "was very obviously wanting to stir drama," wrote the user. "She only pushed it to publicly ‘shame’ you."
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The situation was "lose-lose," wrote the user, adding, "You did absolutely the best you could."
Other Reddit users concurred, saying they were upset for the young woman that people did not accept her reasons for abstaining from alcohol.
"People need to stop making it their business to ensure that other people consume alcohol," said Reddit user "YourLittleRuth" in another top comment.
"And your sister needs to understand that the universe is not about her. You do not appear to have done anything to 'boast' about your pregnancy, you were discreet, and frankly, she behaved very badly," added this same poster.
"It's true that the miscarriage is a very recent event, but, um, she's having a party put on for her, and apparently enjoying it, which would tend to suggest that she is coping OK."
If the younger sister had skipped the party, her pregnancy would have been revealed anyway, said YourLittleRuth — or, worse, the Redditor would have been accused of not caring about her sibling.
"You could not win here, because for some reason nobody is allowed to be pregnant when your sister has miscarried. This is unreasonable," said YourLittleRuth.
Another top reply was blunter.
"If anyone is an AH here, it's your sister's friend," said user "FrickingNinja."
"It was not her place to escalate the situation. It's perfectly fine to attend a social gathering without drinking," the user added.
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