The Capitalist: Labour’s boost for wealth advisors and bane for private schools plus friends like Boris’

Dispatches from a big night for Boris and Bloomberg, blockchain for gorillas and a giant bronze Mr Blobby: catch up on the latest City gossip in this week’s edition of The Capitalist

BORIS UNLEASHED

Boris Johnson launched his memoirs on Wednesday night in the grandest room at the lavish Institute of Directors on Pall Mall. The former PM last took to the stage in that very room nearly 10 years ago in his capacity as the Conservative parliamentary candidate for Uxbridge (and Mayor of London) giving a raucous speech at the ten year anniversary party of the Guido Fawkes blog. He might well have reflected on what a decade it’s been for him. Elected as an MP in 2015 he quickly sealed his fate (and ours) by backing the Leave campaign. The rest is history. Guests at his party included his most loyal former comrades, supporters, friends and political journalists. Falling squarely (and solely) into the last of these four categories was the new editor of the Spectator, Michael Gove, who played such a pivotal role in Johnson’s downfall.

LONDON IN BLOOM

Across town, another grand old knees up was taking place thanks to the hospitality of media tycoon Michael Bloomberg. The progressive billionaire served cocktails and champagne in the Great Gallery at the Wallace Collection where guests included chancellor Rachel Reeves, ex-PMs Rishi Sunak and Theresa May (“sorry Boris, double booked”), Sir Nigel Wilson, Norman Foster, Lord O’Donnell, a brace of editors, a smattering of diplomats, some luvvies and the top tier of the Bloomberg newsroom. The former Mayor of New York welcomed guests with a rousing vote of confidence in London. Referring to reports of the wealthy fleeing for kinder climates he simply said “so long…we’ll try and find space for you when you come back.”

THE WORD OF GOD

Speaking of Lord O’Donnell, the former head of the Civil Service described the role’s £200,000 salary as absurdly underpaid, and The Capitalist agrees with him. Gus (or GoD as he was known in Whitehall) said he’s been “paid a lot more since, to do a lot less.” Which of his advisory roles could he be referring to? One rumour doing the rounds is that he’s been asked to serve as Minister for Investment, with the government set to announce the new holder of this vital role before the weekend. What would GoD make of the salary?

MADE IN PUTNEY

With private members clubs hinged on the promise of exclusivity, their expansion tends to raise eyebrows. Nevertheless, The Capitalist, ever one for an open bar, was pleased to venture to West London for the glamorous ribbon-cutting of Pavilion’s new Fulham site last week. Given Pavilion’s HQ, a creamy, pillared Grade II-listed Victorian clubhouse in Knightsbridge, The Capitalist was slightly alarmed to find themselves amid a red brick and steel office estate in Putney on arrival, but was quickly assuaged when ushered into the club’s plump interiors and besieged with canapes.

Pitched as a VIP-studded event, The Capitalist had their eyes peeled for stars, but it was the relations-of (the son of Garry Lineker, the sister of Suki Waterhouse, the husband of Pixie Lott) that proved more forthcoming. A smattering of Made in Chelsea cast members, and various other pretty people aspiring to become Made in Chelsea cast members, filled out the rest of the room, sipping turmeric margaritas and weighing up whether to dish out £250-a-month to come mingle among the stars again. The cocktails and clientele were so pretty The Capitalist suspects they just might. But the most hardworking networker in the room? The inquisitive magician, whose trick, being able to guess your name and put it in his Instagram bio, made him uniquely motivated to find out who’s who.

THE PARTY OF BUSINESS?

When Labour said they wanted to be the party of business, they probably didn’t have the private wealth advisory sector in mind. However, advisory firm Blick Rothenberg has just announced a raft of new senior hires in their Private Client and Ultra High Net Worth divisions, declaring that the growing firm is now “well equipped to help our client base deal with the anticipated changes in the upcoming Budget, and beyond, as the Labour Government looks to set out its agenda for the current term.” The Capitalist raises a glass to the new Partners, and hopes business continues to boom.

UNHEALTHY

Talking of public sector penny pinching, Wes Streeting is advertising for what must surely be one of the worst jobs in comms. As press secretary at the Department of Health, the lucky candidate will have to spin the annual winter crisis in the NHS and a waiting list with a population the size of Shanghai for the mighty salary of… £70,831 – £76,164. However, if you wanted a quieter life for the same money, you could be a vehicle technician in Epsom, a securities trader at Macquarie Group in the City, or even work in the NHS  – and get a bit more sleep at night – on the corporate insight team valuing health service properties, with flexible working and an annual 10 per cent bonus.

MYSTERY SOLVED

There was much speculation about the “mystery speaker” at a major finance conference in Westminster who attendees were promised would “wow” the crowds. Turned out to be Chancellor Rachel Reeves… in the form of a pre-recorded video with jump cuts every 15 seconds.

A BAD DEAL

It was ‘no deal’ for Noel Edmonds when he got caught up in the HBOS Reading branch fraud, but the former TV presenter has now commissioned a sculpture to celebrate his victory in the ensuing legal battle – and no, it’s not a giant bronze Mr Blobby. The sculpture is based on an image of a kneeling knight which the Crinkley Bottom star “found on the internet” with the devil replaced by Lloyds bank. 

SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL

Private schools have been getting both barrels from the Labour government, with the education secretary claiming they don’t need ‘embossed stationery’. But the sector is suffering from a policy pincer movement too, with VAT and non-dom taxes driving pupils away. A member of the private investment team at London & Capital says the school one of his UHNW clients’ kids attends in leafy North London saw 12 pupils leave over the summer out of a class of 60 “and it’s not because the families can’t afford the hike in fees!”

MONKEY BUSINESS

The Capitalist is used to getting absurd and outlandish press releases in our inbox, but we might have just got the worst one ever this week. A French PR company pitched us an interview with Tehanu, an ‘AI platform’ that allows gorillas to pay for their own conservation through a blockchain-powered wallet. “These wallets, populated with data from the gorillas and local communities, enable species to ‘pay’ local agents to carry out conservation tasks,” the press release said, while promising an “interspecies gig economy”. See how many more buzzwords you can fit into that.